How to Piss Off the Bleach Folks!
by xXBloody.ApocalypseXx
Summary: I don't know why, but I was just wondering what I would have done in Soul Society to annoy the Bleach folks just for the heck of it. And this was born!
1. Byakuya Kuchiki

**Author's Note:**...and of course, Byakuya is first! It's so easy to annoy him!

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**BYAKUYA KUCHIKI**

**The hot-shot Sixth Division Captain!**

1) Tell him that his scarf is very neat and funky and all, but claim that you have an embroidered one which is far more expensive.

2) Talk loudly to Renji about Senbonzakura originally being meant for a woman, since it is all pink and flowery (cherry-blossoms, to be exact). Choose your timing to be precisely when Byakuya is passing by. More effective if you make it sound like a casual conversation, and, of course, if Renji bursts into peals of laughter.

3) Tell Ichigo that you agree with him on Byakuya looking silly when he still holds onto his zanpakuto's hilt after it goes into its shikai form. Time it like the previous one. Then run, or else get run over by a hoard of impeding Senbonzakura-cherry-blossoms. :0

4) Steal his kenseikan when he's asleep and place a secret camera in his room. Enjoy watching him run around in frustration, searching for said head-pieces. Expression from victim can become a tad more hilarious if you wear them to your squad the same day.

5) Tell Yoruichi that Byakuya misses her sooooo much, that he could almost cry about it. Watch the unfolding comedy as the half-feline glomps and chases after an outraged and horror-struck Sixth Division Captain.

6) For Byakuya-fangirls ONLY: Tell him that you want to join his Calligraphy Club. When he agrees, ask him, "Since it's a sort of art-work club, can I learn to draw your face instead?" *day-dreams and drools* (Byakuya face-palm)

7) Talk loudly to Rangiku about all the new tunnels Yachiru has dug across the Kuchiki Manor. Whisper about 'a particularly private tunnel leading to a particularly private location' and make all this as conspicuous as possible and time it like no's 2) and 3). Watch the cold-as-ice-age Captain freak out over the disturbing possibilities.

8) Tell him that Renji and Ichigo told you that he (Byakuya) has a frozen stick up his ass. Ask him if they're telling the truth, and tell him that you just wanted to confirm it.

9) Nag him about Hisana. Ask him if he feels the same way about Rukia. When he doesn't reply to the latter, exclaim, "I knew it!" and run around him in circles, muttering and screaming in gibberish.

10) Bring Yachiru with you to Byakuya's office, knock down his paperwork, and sit on the table. Then tell him that you already told Yachiru that he would be having lunch with the two of you. Interject that if he doesn't agree, you two would 'do your thing'. When he denies (which is most likely), start a war-dance IN HIS OFFICE with Yachiru. Keep hollering the following:

_Byak-kun is a meanie  
That's why we call him a weenie  
He's so stuck-up and cold  
So we say: He's grown so old!_

Keep going till he: (a) agrees with you, (b) kicks you out of his office with kidou, (c) faints from overdose of noise.

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**A/N:** any more ideas will gladly be accepted, and I may even add it to the list! So, tons of reviews please!


	2. Nnoitra Gilga

**Author's Note: **Nnoitra's easy to tick off too...so this came second.

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**NNOITRA GILGA**

**The abusive Quinta Espada!**

1. Tell him that his uniform, and the fact that he's so tall and skinny, makes him look like a spoon.

2. Tell him that you think his hair is pretty, prettier than most men. Imply that you think his hair is like a girl's.

3. Tell him that Neliel pwns him in battle.

4. Ask him if you can borrow his bangles. "They're so pretty and jingly!"

5. Get Szayel to concoct a 'special' tonic. Trick Nnoitra into drinking it. Watch him as he passes out during an Espada meeting, and wakes up to act like a girl. Thumbs up to you and Szayel Apporo!

6. Ask him if he's EVER read a book.

7. Tell him that you think his weapon is girly. It has two 'moons' on it. Bonus points if you're wearing crescent-shaped earrings.

8. Ask him why he's the only male Espada who wears heeled boots. Imply that high heels are girly.

9. Team up with Nel. Go to a loudspeaker that has connections throughout Las Noches, and keep chanting the following:

_"Nnoitwa is a meanie! He's even more emo than Ulquiorra! Rock on, Kenpachi!"_

10. Ask him what kind of toothpaste he uses.

11. Tell him that he's got to be gay to not notice Neliel's boobs.

12. Insist that you think Nnoitra should go back to becoming Octavia Espada just for the sake of getting rid of that spoony hood he wears as a Quinta.

13. Sing: _"Arr! Arr! Arr! Arr! This is the pirate of Las Noches!_" whenever you see Nnoitra, while pointing at his eye-patch and long hair. Wave about a Jolly Roger with the skull of a praying mantis, and six cross-bones.

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**A/N:** More ideas, people, and they shall be added to the list!


End file.
